We all face detours and as tenacious as I can be I certainly have gone off-roading and not working my plan . One thing that is certain when I am not logging my food, or preparing my days and week I tend to stray and inevitably the scale will reflect a gain.
I am up 7 to 10 lbs now and it's time to reel it in.
This particular detour when I look at it honestly was not caused by the joy of summer and simply over indulging. It was me wanting to revert to my old self and hide.
I am not comfortable completely in my new skin.
A few weeks back I found myself so busy from one party to another. None of it planned. I floated from peoples boats to peoples homes. This started from a Wednesday evening thru Sunday night and when the whirlwind ended I found that although I was completely busy and surrounded by more people than ever I was more alone than I had ever been.
I thought about the invites and why I was invited to all these places. It certainly wasn't because people wanted to get to know me. It more was people wanted to potentially be with me. I truly hate to say this but I was invited to some of these places because of what I look like. The conversations where shallow and the fact is I wouldn't have been in any of those places or with any of those people if I was heavier.
Simply put if I wouldn't have been invited if I were heavier than frankly I don't want to be there now. These are certainly not the type of people I want to surround myself with. Yet off plan eating and the drinking that followed isn't a solution. Again I am just not comfortable in my own skin yet and it felt better to want to hide.
I am not upset about it - I am looking at it as yet another learning experience and one thing I have mastered for me personally is how to take it off. I will always be a work in progress.
This incident isn't the first nor will it be the last. I still continue to dig in the dirt, and reconcile emotional things that are triggers for me. I know that no matter how uncomfortable these situations tend to be for me I need to stay the course.
I want to be healthy not unhealthy. Perhaps next time I want to hide I will acknowledge where it is coming from sooner than I did this time.
What I should have done is gone to the gym to work these issues out rather than turn to food. I walked into the gym last Monday for my happy hour DSKO and I was greeted by alot of smiling faces and people who I share something in common with. One lady was so excited to tell me she found a new job that very day. Another told me my face looks to thin (meanwhile as mentioned I am up on the scale). It felt good to walk in there and I felt like I was home.
Meanwhile I feel my motivation has returned and I know what I need to do and I have a plan to do it.
My DSKO certification ended up getting postponed last month, but yesterday I officially got certified to instruct this class. I am truly excited to introduce more people to this. One lady fell in love with the class so much she was getting certified to take it back to England!
I am back making a commitment to log my food and be accountable. It just works!
I Can and I Will Watch Me!